Please Don't Leave.

2009-08-04T02:37:00.000+08:00

There's alot of things i wanna say.
But Im not sure if Im ready.

Wish me luck!

2009-07-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

im starting work in 101/2 time!!

wish me many2 luck!

Second chance?

2009-07-11T03:32:00.003+08:00

looking at this, you're still looking good as ever. making me miss you even more. i was reading something about committing in relationships. a case where it was similar to ours. except that the story had an happy ending but not ours. the guy was afraid to fall in love and wasn't ready to be in a r/s. there was always a 3 weeks intervals before they will meet again. but knowing that the girl has the hots for him, he made sacrifices and took a risk in falling in love. sweet aye?

can you imagine yourself doing that? will you be willing to? but the thing that has to change now is the frequency that we contact each other now. im always waiting for you to be online after 12am but somehow the timing is always wrong. its either i caught you too late which at the time you were about to logout or it would be me going out in the middle of the night when you had just login.

im starting work on monday. are we able to make time from our busy schedule for a once in a blue moon meetup? im waiting for the day where i could see you standing right before my eyes. longing to hold you but i guess its all fantasies.

im glad to know you're doing well and having fun with your friends. enjoy puas-puas okayy before you go to NS.=))

ps: sorry about the picture. i kinda stole it.

Its been awhile now.

2009-07-10T02:27:00.002+08:00

its been too quiet without you around. i've always wake up with you in mind, missing you so much. but i guess i still can't change the fact that you want us to stay as friends. even so, does the change have to be so drastic? why can't we still be like before? now, i don't even text you or even talk to you. even when we chat online, its so awkward. why HS? why the change? did you regret about everything that had happened between us? were you ashamed being seen with me? and im hoping for a miracle though i know its impossible.honestly, i still thinks of you every single day.maybe i shld forget you altogether? but i can't HS, i just can't. i've been too dependent on you in my life. for you to go just go MIA so suddenly, left an impact on me.

Did you regret?

2009-07-06T04:38:00.003+08:00

i guess its the end?

me not being in your top friends says alot.

tell me, are you regretting everything that had ever happened?

you said you will NOT dump me but i guess you're taking back your words.

i've believed everything that you're said.

i thought you could the one to change all the doubts that i have.

but in reality, you're just the same as the rest.

you know how i feel towards all this but yet you don't care.

even if things doesnt work out, you cann tell me.

you can't just keep quiet, not reply my texts and just leave me hanging.

what happened to the things that you had said?

its ALL lies, sweet talks?

it has always been pretend right from the start isn't it?

you had planned it all along didnt you?

im disappointed!

2009-07-05T15:47:00.002+08:00

im trying to stop myself from text-ing you today. its hard but im still surviving. i seriously think i don't know you at all now. if i don't text you, you wouldn''t be text-ing me too right? i don't want things to be this way but you're making things happen this way.

im heading out to meet the cliques. you're prolly otw to your training. take care love. ILY, IMY.

MSN convo.

2009-07-03T15:08:00.004+08:00

i was reading our history in our MSN convo and it actually brought a smile on my face. i remember the days and wished i could have those times again. it has always been you who initiated everything from the start. to asking me to come down to your games continuously, to trading numbers and meeting up.

you have been oh-so-sweet right from the start. you kept defending yourself that NOT all soccer players are the same. do you remember all this HS?

it hurt me a bit that you could spare time with your friend including watching movie with her. but you couldn't do that for me? and i dun tink you're home yet also. its been 2 days straight that i text-ed you without replying like how you used to. is it because of what we've talked about that you're like this? its like i don't know you anymore HS.

yes, im hurt but let's not focus on that aye? you asked me to give you time and im giving it to you. but im not sure if you're using the time to think about this. are you?

do you know the one thing im badly waiting for right now? it's to be yours before you're enlisted. impossible i believe?

im seriously torn in what to do HS.

Solitary moment.

2009-07-02T12:46:00.004+08:00

you know what, i love it when you would suddenly call me for no apparent reason.

and that small lil' thing you do cann just brighten up my day.

and you always do that when im feeling really down.

tell me, how cann i not fall for you even more?

=))

but cann you give me the assurance that i've been waiting for all along?

im still left hanging HS.

Go infect some other people!

2009-07-01T02:27:00.003+08:00

my darling HS is still sick. pfft! and im worried sick. flu, fever, whatever please go away. go infect other people. pfft! because of these stupid sickness i havent meet hym for 5 days. sad perr =((

i miss hym rabak giler okayy. get well quick2 kayy. i wanna have your arms wrap around me, your touch, your kisses. hee! kayy, diam. newaes, he fell asleep on me again tonyte while text-ing me. tsk! nasib baik he's sick, if not..

yesterday game was postponed so the game will be held later today. not sure if HS coming down tho. but i think he is.

i dun have plans again today. bored or wat. -.- i need a job uhh, like seriously. tsk! stupid swensens. if they didnt change their management i wouldnt had left.

newaes, that's it for now. nk main game uhh! toodles!

Distant.

2009-06-30T02:56:00.004+08:00

first of all, HAPPY 20th NUR AFRA YAZID. =)) hope u have a wonderful 20th. enjoy to the fullest okayy. im sure me and the girls had fun just now! meet up soon okayy babe. =D

and so i went out late just now, around 9 i guess. met ifahh at eunos platform and head off to CQ to meet the others for afra's bday celebration. we took both the GMax rides and it was awesome, tho i had taken a couple of times before. the girls esp ifahh and hanani were scared initially. but they still managed to take the rides. thrilling isn't it. =))

didnt contact HS much today as he was resting and i didnt wanna disturb hym. he has a game later against australia at jrg west stadium. i wished i could come down but no invitation. its been a while i've watched hym in action. he's feeling better now after much rest. im so tempted to just surprise hym at hys doorsteps but i will always stop myself in the end. im afraid he's gonna get mad and such if i did that. its worth a try isn't it? but im still not sure. i was text-ing hym awhile ago, but suddenly he just kept quiet. asleep? im not sure cause i called he didnt picked up. hmm. well, i guess i just have to wait for hym to contact me. maybe i should just loosen up and wait patiently? damn, i hate this kinda feeling. help me in this, HS. please.

ps: if you're playing later, all the best love! ILY.

I Miss You HS. I really do.

2009-06-29T17:34:00.006+08:00

i know it has only been 3 days since i last saw you. but somehow i sensed a difference in you. i will only cheer up when im talking with you. maybe im just being paranoid but whenever we're text-ing, i feel like as if im text-ing someone else or you're just replying my text for the sake of it. i know you're sick and busy with training. but you don't have to be so distant. I really miss you HS, i really do. I miss the sweet texts that you used to send, which now i don't get any of it at all. I miss the way i am when im with you, the way you make me feel. I miss your touch, your kisses, your smile, your nonsensical comments, your never-ending sense of humour. I just miss everything about you. i dun wanna think that im slowly gonna lose you. im scared of losing you. my feelings for you are too deep just to let go like that. please tell me you're working on making this work. i dun want this to be another failure. i wanna be the one to prove you wrong about all the doubts that you have. i want you to know that no matter what happens, im always gonna be here for you.

2009-06-28T20:21:00.006+08:00

after 7 hours of wasted time, we finally watched TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN.

we were actually supposed to meet up at 6pm ryte? well, guessed what?! I was damn freaking late. i reached an 1 and a half ltr. hee!i couldnt help it! i was so fickled about what to wear.-.-

the movie was great overall. and the decepticon are so CUTE! haha! if u had watched it wif me, u would had been irritated wif me. hehe!

newaes, some of you may know that i dun like to walk around at cineleisure on friday and saturday nights ryte? cause of high chances of bumping into someone i dun wish to see or whatsoever. SO, ferst i bumped into muji and friends, but he was in a gone case state so he didnt remember me. then, i bumped into mai (actually not bumped luhh, he was eating at kfc) and he was was taufiq! that was a weird moment. i've never bumped into them together before and i shall not elaborate. and not only did i bumped into them once but 4 times. -.- wahh! i had to practically stopped my friends and dragged them out of cineleisure before more bumping continues.

so newaes, last nyte i pretty much didnt contact HS, but i was missing him so badly till i was so tempted to text and call hym. but i stopped myself over and over again cause i didnt want hym to be annoyed and such.i wasnt being paranoid but just wanted to know what he's dg and such. Im now waiting for hys text now. By right he should had finished hys game and training by now ryte?

well, i cann only wait for now. that's practically what i've been doing for months anyway. wait hopelessly with no happy ending.

ps: HS, come home quick! IMYSM!! let's talk till the wee hours of the morning kayy? =))

pss:Boy, my heart is true. And that you can't deny. Don't be a fool. And walk away from all the lies. It's up to you, 'Coz heaven knows im trying. Tell me you're in love.

Hoping.

2009-06-27T15:54:00.004+08:00

im meeting up with the usuals, well, actually only the 4 of us.

Me, haikal, jay and helmi, at 6pm.

cause somehow the others are too broke?

we're watching transformers.

well, what else is there to it ryte?

wldnt be meeting HS today again.

he has a game today and tomorrow.

i miss hym badly luhh kann.

there wouldn't be a fraction of my time that i will stop thinking about hym.

don't like?

den fcuk off!

=))

newaes, im home alone for now.

apparently, my parents went out early in the day and my lil' bro is still not back yet.

im still clueless about what im gonna wear.

arghh!!

kayy2, i tink i wanna shower.

and be fickle about what im gonna wear later.

hopefully im meeting HS!!

WISH ME LUCK!

ps: i remembered what we had talked about last nyte. i'll keep in mind. but, i really want you to believe me that whatever i've wrote or said, i really meant it. ILY.

2009-06-26T01:29:00.001+08:00

and so i stayed home today.

had plans to go dbl o but i didnt.

just didnt had the mood to party.

am talking to HS now.

god knows how much i miss hym though it's only a day since i last saw hym.

-.-

pathetic i know but well...

he's the reason im giving this another chance.

he makes me think that yes, NOT all guys, esp soccer players, are all the same.

im hoping its true cause if not, this is gonna be the last.

im tired to play this game over and over again.

im not trying to be pushy but just stating the facts.

its friday and supposedly meeting HS but no confirmation.

cause as usual he has training every single day.

and in 3 mths he's gonna be NS.

argh!

sedih perr!!

i have alot to say but suddenly my mind went blank.

so, i'll blog again soon2 aye.

=))

Im afraid.

2009-06-25T01:28:00.001+08:00

HS, you know i've been thinking about 'US' since that day.

seriously, i can't help it.

no matter what i do, where i go, my mind will NEVER stop thinking.

i am taking things in stride and waiting for the day to come.

i'm hoping that day can come faster so at least i can ease my mind.

but i know u're trying to make it work.

you, yourself don''t want history to repeat itself.

you also know i want this to work.

i'm tired of getting 'dumped' over and over again.

I'M AFRAID, HS.

I'M AFRAID.

i'm afraid of losing you.

i'm afraid of history repeating itself.

i'm afraid i can't stop loving you.(and yes, i've fallen for you deeply)

i'm afraid of doing things that will eventually make you leave.

i'm afraid u're gonna walk away without saying anything.

i don't know how well or how bad we're going on now.

and u're also not telling me anything.

im trying my best HS but its just so hard.

i apologies about me being so irritating at times saying about other "stocks".

but that's what i'm most afraid of.

i'm afraid of them winning over you.

HS, i want you to know that no matter what, im always gonna be here for you.

im always a phone call away, you know that.

i want you to believe ( cause i know you trust no one) me that whatever that had happened between you and your ex is not gonna be repeated.

and that i promise you and it's not gonna be broken.

i mean whatever i've said HS.

i really want this to work.

if you have thought about it and you think that maybe its gonna work out or not, tell me quick.

i just don't want to be left hanging.